


We Used to be Perfect

by puppykihyun



Category: Monsta X (Band)
Genre: Angst, Break Up, Cheating, KiHo Bingo, M/M, hyungki friendship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-02
Updated: 2017-06-02
Packaged: 2018-11-08 07:23:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,419
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11076783
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/puppykihyun/pseuds/puppykihyun
Summary: Hoseok bends down in front of the door after Kihyun storms from the apartment. Tears stream down his face as he stares at the shattered coffee cup in front of him. Shards of glass dig into his knees and calves, blood running down his face from the wide cut on his cheek. He picks up the biggest pieces, his lip wobbling as he examines the damage. The cup represents them, that’s what Kihyun had told him when he gave it to him, it was their hope for the future, Hoseok’s innocence and his joy. All the things Kihyun said he loved about Hoseok, and now the cup was shattered, it wasn’t something that could ever be fixed, much like his and Kihyun’s relationship.





	We Used to be Perfect

**Author's Note:**

> This is my entry for the heartache square in KiHo Bingo. I really enjoyed writing this and am very proud of myself so I hope everyone who reads it likes it!

Kihyun walked out into the living room, expecting Hoseok to be passed out on the couch, however he was surprised to find it empty. Normally after Hoseok had a night out with his friends he would pass out on the couch to avoid waking up Kihyun. He always came home after drinking so this wasn’t a normal situation. Kihyun paced around the living room, trying to figure out where his boyfriend could be. He brought his hand up to his mouth and bit his nails nervously, over thinking.

Dread turned Kihyun’s stomach as he thought of what could have happened; Hoseok could have had one of his drunk friends drive him home and been in a car accident. He could have passed out on the sidewalk somewhere, cold and lost. Maybe he could have been murdered! None of the thoughts firing in his head were comforting. Bile rose up his esophagus as his stress built, hitting the back of his mouth, leaving him to swallow it back down.

Kihyun brought his hand up to his mouth, covering it as he fought off nausea and vertigo. He picked at the dry skin on lip nervously, peeling the flakey pieces off as he made his way into the kitchen. As if he was on auto-pilot, he filled their kettle with water and placed it on the stove, turning on the electric burner before he made his way over to their bedroom. He pushed open the door and retrieved his cell phone from his nightstand, entering his password and dialing Hoseok’s number. He placed his phone to his ear, still pulling at the skin on his lips, however the call went straight to voicemail. Hoseok’s phone had most likely died overnight.

Kihyun inhaled sharply, fighting off anxiety as he took a few deep breath to try and calm down, closing his eyes to relax, the last thing he needed to do was panic. After standing there for a few seconds he opened his eyes, finally pulling his fingers away from his lips and finding blood around his finger nails from tearing the skin away. He grimaced down at his fingers and brought his clean hand to his lips, wiping away any remaining blood.

He walked away from the bedroom, passing his phone back and forth between his hands as he made his way back to the kitchen. He focused on the task at hand and pulled Hoseok’s favorite cup from the cabinet, the one Kihyun had given him the first time they celebrated Hoseok’s birthday together as couple. It has a flock of swallows flying upwards towards the rim against a light pink and yellow background, the colors gently melding together in soft swirls. 

Kihyun grabbed the box of green tea out of the cabinet and pulled out a tea bag, placing it in the cup and pouring the water over it once it came to a boil. He picked his phone up from the counter, scrolling through twitter as a distraction while he waited for the tea to finish steeping. He tapped his free hand against the side of his leg, the fat on his thigh jiggling with the movement, as he tried to clear his head of negative thoughts.

He sighed shoving his phone in his pocket, giving up on keeping his mind away from Hoseok. He couldn’t help but being scared, it wasn’t normal for Hoseok to disappear overnight without any warning. In the four years that they had been dating, this wasn’t something that had happened before.

He looked over at Hoseok’s coffee cup and deemed the tea finished. He moved over to the freezer and grabbed three ice cubes out of the ice drawer, plunking them into thetea. He stirred it for a few seconds with a spoon he’d left on the counter from yesterday’s tea, before taking a sip. He relaxed slightly when the warm drink flowed down his throat, clearing away the taste of bile that was stuck at the back of his mouth. However he couldn’t help but tense up when he heard the door jingle. He took a step out from the kitchen and made his way towards the entryway, relief washing over him when Hoseok pushed the door open and walked over the threshold.

“Oh, Hoseok,” Kihyun sighed. “I was so worried when I saw you weren’t home.” Kihyun walked towards him as Hoseok pushed the door closed, the other man’s eyes downcast. 

“Uh yeah, I got caught up last night,” Hoseok said, rubbing his neck awkwardly. Kihyun smiled slightly at the words, however his eyes followed Hoseok’s motion and froze on a small, round patch of red blossoming on his neck. He focused on that single spot before he realized there was another mark matching it half hidden by his shirts neckline. Kihyun’s blood ran cold and he stopped in place, his grip tightening on Hoseok’s coffee cup in his hands. 

“Hoseok, where were you last night?” Kihyun asked, voice tight. Kihyun already knew the answer to the question, it wasn’t necessary to ask, but he wanted to hear the answer from Hoseok himself. Hoseok looked up at him, eyes wide with regret. He didn’t speak, only causing Kihyun to grow angrier, his stomach rolling at the thought of what Hoseok’s done. “Answer my question.”

“I went home with another man last night,” Hoseok said, his lip wobbling. Kihyun clenched his jaw, rage and disbelief crashing into him like a wave.

“You what?” Kihyun asked, shaking.

“I cheated on you,” Hoseok whispered. “I’m sorry.”

“Why? Why would you do this to me?” Kihyun demanded. His hands shook, his eyes watering as he stared at the other. He bit his bottom lip and furrowed his eyebrows, trying to hold back his tears.

“I was drunk, I wasn’t…”

“Don’t feed me that bullshit, Hoseok!” Kihyun shouted, throwing Hoseok’s coffee cup at the door behind the other. Hoseok flinched as it flew past him, crashing against the door.. Tea splattered Hoseok’s back and a piece of glass flew at his face, leaving a cut across his cheekbone. Kihyun almost felt sorry for hurting him, but the broken coffee cup and a simple cut couldn’t begin to cover how Kihyun felt in that moment. Hoseok deserved to feel at least some of that pain.

“Kihyunnie please,” Hoseok started.

“No don’t, ‘Kihyunnie’ me,” He snapped. “We used to be perfect Hoseok, we were so good together. Why would you throw it away like this? What did I do wrong for you to think you needed to cheat on me?” Kihyun breathed harshly, biting the inside of his lip as he drew his eyebrows together, tears finally falling from his eyes. 

“I hadn’t meant to cheat on you!” Hoseok shouted, walking towards Kihyun and snatching his arm. Kihyun gasped and drew away, stumbling backwards, his shoulder hitting the wall.

“Don’t, fucking, touch me!” Kihyun barked. “You lost that privilege.” 

“Please,” Hoseok pleaded. “Don’t shut me out, I hadn’t meant for this to happen.”

“It doesn’t matter what you meant to happen or not, it already did and you can’t take it back. Why would you do this to me?” Kihyun cried.

“I didn’t think,” Hoseok started.

“You didn’t think? You didn’t think how I would feel? You didn’t think about what would happen to us?” Kihyun barked.

“I…”

“Stop making excuses!” Kihyun shouted, punching the wall that he’d backed into, leaving a dent in the stucco.

“Kihyunnie..” Hoseok said, tears beginning to run down his face. 

“No, no,” Kihyun breathed out, violently running his fingers through his hair. “I can’t do this to myself, we’re done, stop trying.” Kihyun glared at Hoseok through his tears and turned around quickly, bolting and slamming the bedroom door behind him. He flicked the lock on the door down and leaned against it, jumping up and yelping when Hoseok slammed against the door and began to yell. 

Kihyun rubbed at his knuckles, finally registering the way they burned and ached. He stared down sadly at the torn skin stretching across his joints. He breathed in harshly and pulled his phone from his pocket, ignoring Hoseok as he pounded on the door and yelled for him to open it. He tried to calm his breathing as he dialed the number of his best friend, he wanted Hyungwon to at least understand what was going on and what he needed. He knew it would be hard to hear him over Hoseok’s screaming, and hyperventilating would only make it worse.

“Hello?” Hyungwon answered groggily.

“Hyungwonnie?” Kihyun said, voice shaky and watery.

“Hyung?” Hyungwon asked, suddenly alert.

“Can you come pick me up from the apartment?” Kihyun asked, speaking over Hoseok’s shouting. “Hoseok and I broke up..”

“Yeah, I can be there in twenty minutes. Will you be okay until then?” Hyungwon responded, voice covering the ruffling of his blankets.

“Yeah, I need to pack important stuff into a bag anyways so I have clothes and other essentials. I’ll be waiting in front of the building when you get here.”

“Okay, please be careful in the meantime, and if he touches you I’ll kick his ass,” Hyungwon threatened.

“I don’t want any asskicking, Wonnie,” Kihyun sighed. “I just want to get out of here.”

“That’s okay,” Hyungwon replied. “Do you want me to head up to the apartment if you aren’t out front when I get there?”

Kihyun had to think it over for a few seconds, but he wasn’t sure what Hoseok might do with how much he was shouting. It was actually scaring him, he’s never had any reason to be afraid of Hoseok before and it wasn’t a pleasant feeling. “I think that might be for the best.”

“Okay, I’m leaving now, so hurry and pack,” Hyungwon said, his voice crackling over the line as he moved around his apartment.

“I will, Thank you Wonnie.”

“See you soon, Hyung,” Hyungwon said, the line cutting off after that. 

Kihyun took a deep breath, shoving his phone back into his pocket as he tried to ignore Hoseok’s yelling. He went to their walk in closet and pulled out his backpack and his duffle bag. He grabbed eight separate work outfits and five casual outfits, along with a few sets of pajamas and his favorite fluffy slippers. He figured those would last him until he managed to come get the rest of his things on his own, Kihyun only had so much room in his bags. 

He left his duffle bag on the bed and quickly walked into the master bath with his back pack. He yanked opened the medicine cabinet and grabbed all of his beauty products, careful not to forget something of his or grab Hoseok’s. He didn’t want to give Hoseok a reason to ruin anything Kihyun left behind before he came to collect the rest of his things. 

Kihyun glanced up into the mirror and grimaced at how puffy and blotchy his cheeks were, his cheeks were already round to begin with but this was ridiculous. His eyes were red and swollen, none of it was a pretty sight in the least; thankfully it wouldn’t be the first time Hyungwon saw him in such a state. The only thing that brought him some form of relief was the fact his glasses helped hide his poor state, it wasn’t much but he didn’t want to think about how he might look if he took them off.

He turned away from the mirror and grabbed the rest of his toiletries off the bathroom counter and picked them up out of the shower, shoving them into his backpack. He pulled his favorite towel out from under the sink and stuffed it into his bag, with the towel in there he ran out of space and would now need to rely on his duffle bag for anything else he needed. He zipped his backpack shut and placed it on the bed when he moved back into the room. He picked his pillow up off the bed and forced it into his bag. He still had quite a bit of room left so he went to the closet and picked out a few more outfits, along with his jacket and two extra pairs of shoes. He stuffed them in his bag and nodded, satisfied now that it was full. 

He almost zipped it shut but he remembered he had yet to grab his cell phone charger, he moved over to his nightstand and pulled it from the outlet next to it, tossing it in his bag and closing it. He put his backpack on, heaving his duffle bag up and huffing, he hadn’t expected it to be so heavy. He shook his head and grabbed his work bag off the back of his desk chair, throwing it over his shoulder. He opened the door and tensed when Hoseok fell at his feet, apparently he’d been sitting at the door after he stopped shouting instead of giving him space like Kihyun had believed.

“Kihyunnie,” Hoseok said, scrambling to his feet. Kihyun frowned at him, shouldering past him and ignoring the wounded look on his face as he stumbled from the force. “Kihyunnie, please don’t leave.”

“Don’t even try, hyung,” Kihyun spat, knowing that using hyung on Hoseok would only serve to hurt him after having dropped the formality so long ago. He stopped at the door, shoving on his shoes hurriedly as he eyed the pieces of the shattered cup scattered over the floor. He’s surprised he hadn’t stepped in the glass but he was glad something worked out in his favor that morning in the very least.

Hoseok stopped behind him, his breath picking up as he cried. He was working himself up into hysterics and Kihyun couldn’t help but grow irritated by the behavior. Kihyun turned to look at him and grimaced, disgust coursing through him at Hoseok’s behavior. 

“You’re the one who cheated on me, what justifies you to be the one crying?” Kihyun snarled, picking up his keys off the hook as he did so.

“Because I love you,” Hoseok whimpered, voice catching on each syllable as he began to hyperventilate. Kihyun curled the side of his lip up in contempt and whirled around yanking the door open.

“Then you should have thought about that before you slept with someone else. This is no ones fault but your own, so just accept that we’re over!” Kihyun snapped, walking out the door and slamming it behind him, cutting off whatever nonsense Hoseok was spewing now. 

Kihyun trudged down the hall, dragging his feet as tears began to build in his eyes once more. When he reached the elevator he adjusted the duffle bag, reaching out and pressing the down button. He tilted his head upwards, holding back tears and attempting to contain himself as he waited for the elevator. He blinked slowly when the elevator dinged and looked forward, eyes widening out of surprise at the man facing him in the elevator. 

Kihyun stepped forward and wrapped his arms around Hyungwon’s shoulders, his duffle bag dropping to the floor of the elevator as he buried his face in the crook of the others neck.

“Hyung,” Hyungwon whispered, wrapping his arms around Kihyun’s soft, round waist and stroking his back in small tender motions. At the warm embrace Kihyun couldn’t help the tears that slipped from his eyes, he whimpered, his breath catching in his throat as he squeezed Hyungwon’s neck. Hyungwon didn’t say anything to Kihyun, but he didn’t need to, all Kihyun needed was the comfort of a close friend. Kihyun wasn’t quite sure it was good idea to answer any questions Hyungwon might have while they were still in the same building as Hoseok anyways; not unless he wanted his best friend to end up in prison.

“Please just take me to your apartment,” Kihyun pleaded, his voice choked up and scratchy as he spoke through the tears.

“Of course, hyung,” Hyungwon said, reaching out and pressing the button for the ground floor. He gently stroked Kihyun’s hair, calming Kihyun as the elevator descended from the tenth floor. Kihyun managed to get his breathing under control before they reached the bottom and pulled away, tears still making their way down his cheeks. Hyungwon reached out and gently brushed the remaining tears away, pushing Kihyuns glasses up slightly. Kihyun let his eyes slip shut at the action, enjoying the kind gesture and small comfort. When Hyungwon pulled his hand away Kihyun looked up at him with a watery smile, thankful for having such a reliable and kind friend at a time like this. 

When the door to the elevator opened at the ground floor Hyungwon bent down and picked up Kihyun’s duffle bag for him, lifting it up to his shoulder with little effort. “You don’t need to carry that for me,” Kihyun said softly, tugging on Hyungwon’s pajama shirt.

“I want to,” Hyungwon responded. “Plus you look exhausted. You don’t need to strain yourself, especially since you need plenty of energy to arrange the spare bedroom to your liking.” Kihyun raised his eyebrows at that, a mixture of relief and surprise filling him.

“You’re going to let me move in?” Kihyun asked, voice wavering.

“Yeah, you know how I’ve been looking for a roommate since Minhyuk moved in with his boyfriend Changkyun?” Kihyun nodded in response to Hyungwon’s question. “Well who better to be my new roommate then my best friend?” Kihyun bit his lip at that, his lip wobbling at how good Hyungwon was being to him. They may have petty arguments at times, and purposely get on each others nerves, but Hyungwon was always there for him and serious when Kihyun needed it the most. He always knew what course of action to take and Kihyun was truly grateful for it. 

They walked out of the apartment building and Hyungwon opened the trunk of his car when they reached it, placing the duffel bag inside of it. Kihyun followed his lead and placed his work bag and backpack inside it. Kihyun closed the trunk and walked to the passenger side of the car, getting in and buckling up. Hyungwon switched on the radio, an old Sistar song quietly flowing from the speakers as he pulled away from the curb.

“So what happened?” Hyungwon finally asked. Kihyun bit his bottom lip, unsure whether it was a good idea to tell Hyungwon now. “Kihyun?” Hyungwon prompted. Kihyun sucked in a breath and shook his head.

“I don’t want to tell you while you’re driving. It can wait,” Kihyun responded.

“Okay,” Hyungwon agreed, letting it go.

 

***

 

“Are you sure you’re okay?” Hyungwon asked, worry lacing his voice as he placed his free hand at the small of Kihyun’s back. “We don’t even know if Hoseok is gone.”

“Yeah I’m sure,” Kihyun said. “Plus Hoseok should still be at work. He gets out later then I do.” 

“That’s a relief, at least.” Kihyun nodded at Hyungwon’s words, pulling his keys from his pocket as they reached his old apartments door. He found the key and stuck it into the hole, opening the door.

“Hello,” Kihyun called out, waiting for a moment before relief washed over him when he was proven right about Hoseok being out of the apartment. “I told you he’d be gone,” Kihyun snarked.

“Shut up, hamster cheeks,” Hyungwon deadpanned, rolling his eyes. Kihyun side eyed him, narrowing his eyes and pursing his lips as he stepped inside the apartment.

“Well you should know by now that I’m usually right on these things, fish lips,” Kihyun teased, slipping his shoes off.

“You really wanna go, shrimpy?” Hyungwon said, slipping inside and shutting the door. 

“Yeah, I wanna go get my shit so we can leave before the snake gets back,” Kihyun tutted, taking one of the boxes from Hyungwon that he had carried up. He moved away from Hyungwon, leaving him be since he already knew what Kihyun wanted him to pack. He walked into the kitchen and pulled the duct tape from one of the drawers and opened the box, placing it onto the floor and closing the bottom, taping it shut. He picked it up and flipped it over, tugging his bag off of his shoulder and pulling the bubble wrap out of his bag. 

He used the box and bubble wrap to pack all of his favorite glasses and his special coffee cups, doing the same with a few pots and pans. However he still left over three-fourths of the dishes behind, knowing good and well that he didn’t need much living with Hyungwon, who already had some of his own cutlery and dishes. If Kihyun were honest with himself, despite everything, he would feel guilty if he took something from the apartment that wasn’t rightfully his. Hoseok may deserve to suffer but Kihyun didn’t want to stoop low and be petty, thankfully Hyungwon agreed with his mindset.

He picked the box up and made his way towards the bedroom. He walked past Hyungwon, who was putting the DVD’s and CD’s he knew belonged to Kihyun in a box, along with Kihyun’s old game cube and the games that went with it. Kihyun smiled at the other softly, grateful for the help, and continued on. He pushed open the bedroom door, surprised at the mess he found before him. Hoseok wasn’t exactly the cleanest person Kihyun knew, but he hadn’t expected for it to turn into such a dump without him around, especially in just a week’s time.

Kihyun placed the box on the bed and walked towards the closet. He pulled all of his clothes off the hangers and brought them over to the bed, rolling the clothes together to make as much room as he could in the box. He went over to the night stand, on what used to be his side of the bed, and pulled out the drawer. He had left all of his socks and underwear behind and had been embarrassed to discover so during his first day at Hyungwon’s. They had to make a trip to the store later in the day to get Kihyun more, but he was glad Hyungwon had held himself back from teasing him, as he would under normal circumstances, and helped him without complaint instead.

Kihyun placed the drawer on the bed after pulling it out, moving over to his desk and picking his laptop up. He wrapped it in bubble wrap and put it on top of his clothes. He then dumped his socks and underwear into the box, not needing to roll them since they were already balled up. He flattened them down and put the drawer back into the night stand, pulling out his spare charger and a few other things he needed from the bottom drawer. He placed them in the box and made his way to the desk, grabbing his laptop charger and the folders and small things he left behind. He would need to make a few more trips back to the apartment to get all his things but he figured based on the fact all of his things were in good condition that Hoseok wouldn’t destroy anything. He just hoped Hoseok didn’t prove him wrong.

Once the box was filled he duct taped it shut and carried it out into the living room, almost dropping the box when he saw Hyungwon staring Hoseok down. “Hyungwon,” Kihyun said, voice airy, garnering the attention of both males. “It’s time to leave. Grab what you’ve helped me pack and let’s go.” Kihyun’s voice left no room for argument and Hyungwon nodded stiffly, bending down and folding the flaps shut before picking it up. 

Kihyun moved past Hoseok, refusing to look at him but froze when Hoseok spoke up. “Kihyun, wait.” 

Kihyun turned his head towards him, jaw tight. “What, hyung.” 

“I’ll pack the rest of your things for you, and I’ll text you when I’m done so that you can come pick them up,” Hoseok said sorrowfully, eyebrows turned down and lips quirked up slightly at the offering. He was probably forcing himself to smile to placate Kihyun, but Kihyun knew when to stop fighting and when to let his pride go.

“Thank you, I appreciate that, but I.. I can’t guarantee that I’ll come when you’re going to be here,” Kihyun’s voice dipped, his lip wobbling. He quickly turned his head and walked the rest of the way to the door, slipping his shoes on. 

“Are you sure? You don’t want to talk about what happened?” Hoseok asked, stepping towards Kihyun. Hyungwon’s eyes hardened and moved in between the two of them as a warning to Hoseok, Kihyun glanced up with sad eyes, staring at the back of Hyungwon’s head before moving his gaze to Hoseok.

“There’s really not much to talk about, hyung. You cheated on me and broke my trust. It’s not something we can change or that I can recover from, so what’s the point?” Kihyun looked down at the ground and turned back towards the door, staring at the pink and yellow scuff from where he threw Hoseok’s coffee cup. A permanent reminder to Hoseok of that day until he painted over it or moved out from the apartment. 

Kihyun pulled the door open, shaking the thoughts of that day from his head as Hyungwon approached him, slipping his shoes on as he purposely blocked Kihyun from Hoseok’s gaze, almost like a shield. Kihyun smiled at Hyungwon but it fell from his face when he looked back at Hoseok, a cold disappointment and sense of neglect pulling him down, forcing him into a negative headspace. He looked away from the other and bit his lip harshly, shuddering when he breathed in, a chill rushing over his body. 

“I’ll see you around, hyung,” Kihyun whispered, holding back tears.

“See you, Kihyunnie,” Hoseok said, voice hoarse. Kihyun rushed out of the door at the old nickname, holding back a choked sob as he bolted, putting space between himself and that awful space. He heard Hyungwon running after him but he didn’t stop until he reached the elevator, panting harshly as he openly sobbed in front of the closed doors, his cries echoing down the hall.

He wished he didn’t need to go back to their apartment; to go back to Hoseok’s apartment. However he had no choice. He just hoped that the next time around Hoseok wouldn’t rear his head once more and stir up his feelings all over again.

**Author's Note:**

> Depending on how everyone liked this I'm going to be continuing this as a series. It will be following Kihyun's recovery and how he moves on and heals. Showing the ups and downs of him trying to get over this and his own self doubt and rebuilding himself from the ground up and how he learns to trust again. It really just depends on if I can follow through with it and if I want to write Kihyun's happy ending. If you want to talk about the fic or scream at me please comment or feel free to talk to me on [twitter](https://twitter.com/kittyhyungwon)!! Kudos are always appreciated as well! uwu


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